On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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