What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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