I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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