Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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