What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
