I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
