I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
