So drunk, too bad you don't want this
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Actions speak louder than pants.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
