worst night to have a conscience
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
