yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
