I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
