pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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