Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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