singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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