We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
