I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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