just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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