I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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