i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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