eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
