If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
