I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
