Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
All I want is dick and wine.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
