some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
