This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
