Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
