Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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