and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
