Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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