so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
