My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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