What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
