The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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