Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
whose parrot is this?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
