remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
