Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
