is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
