When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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