the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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