Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
