pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
