you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
