ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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