i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
