someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
