guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
