Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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