i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
