It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize