I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
