And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
