Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
