so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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