oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
