So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
