I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
