I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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