Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I skipped work to stalk him.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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