but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize