I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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