So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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