HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
