so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
