Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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