i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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