yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
