she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
