i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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