Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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