hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize