can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sorry about my life...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
