I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
