Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
